The Power of Introverts in Social Interactions

“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” 

Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

This post is inspired by a book I recently read called “Quiet” by Susan Cain. I’m sure most of you have read or have at least heard of this book. If not please add it to your reading list right now. In the book, Cain highlights how the introverts of this world are undervalued and in fact have more to offer than they are given credit for. More importantly she provides examples and evidence of the power and influence introverts have in our society, much of which has not been talked about in as much detail as now.

My personal interest and attraction to the book is because at my core, I am an introvert myself. But before I dive into my personal experiences and thoughts behind being an introvert, I want to clarify that I don’t see a clear divide between an introvert and extrovert. Rather I see it as a spectrum of “introvertedness” to “extrovertedness”. What this means is that I don’t believe any person is just an introvert or just an extrovert. Although they may display more characteristics of one over the other, I believe they still have traits of the other or there may be situations where they tend to be more introverted or extroverted. This may confuse you as conventionally when asked the question, most people answer with “I am an introvert” or “I am an extrovert.” Or maybe you similarly think there is a blurred line between the two, in which case we are in the same boat. Let me explain further.

The best way to explain is in the context of the workplace where for me, the needle between introversion and extroversion fluctuates regularly. Quite recently, I was invited to a networking event which was also open to individuals outside our company. The event was supposed to run from 5 to 7 but I had planned to stay until 6 which would give me enough time to talk to a few people. I had asked a work friend to accompany me as I needed a familiar face amongst the crowd of new faces. At first, I felt confident about approaching groups of people and joining the conversation but after the third or fourth group, I was getting quieter and quieter until my engagement in the conversation reduced to just nodding at appropriate gaps. Once I had felt that I was no longer socialising and was standing around, I knew it was my cue to leave. The time was 5:30.

If you are a fellow introvert you would understand why my evening played out this way but for the more extroverted readers let’s dissect the above.

• Attending the event. There is a common misconception that most introverts are antisocial and will avoid any social situations given the chance, especially if this includes meeting new people. This is not the case for me, in fact I enjoy these interactions from time to time.
• Bringing a coworker along. I was more inclined to attend as she had agreed to come along. She is also more extroverted than me and is able to initiate conversations easier in these situations. This removed some of the pressure and allowed me to focus on engaging in the conversation better.
• Planning the evening. Introverts generally tend to be more organised and so I allocated an hour to spend socialising and networking. I did leave the event earlier than planned but this is not a bad thing as 30 minutes of networking is better than 0.

So after reading this you may be questioning my “introvertedness” as for some introverts this could be their worst nightmare. Let me be clear, I was not always this willing to socialise. When I was younger, I was way more of an introvert to the point where I avoided any situation that would put me in the centre of attention. Looking back, I realised that I actually had a severe bout of social anxiety which I was able to overcome as I grew up, becoming more confident in myself. I no longer have severe social anxiety but I am aware that I have a smaller social battery than others which is why I classify myself as an introvert, most of the time.

It may sound like a lot of work being an introvert, always thinking ahead and being conscious of yourself in social situations. But I want to clarify that these are not negatives, in fact it makes us more prepared and ready to face any situation. In the past when I would’ve questioned my “introvertedness”, I have grown up to embrace this quality and have realised I prefer being this way. As a collective we are unique; we can gauge conversations and individuals better because we observe more, we are highly self-sufficient, we are great at introspection and being self-aware. These are just some of the benefits of being an introvert, there are so much more.

If you are a fellow introvert, I hope you are able to relate to the contents of this post and it reiterates your unique skillsets which you can and should put to use. If you are a extrovert, I hope this post allows you to better understand what goes through the mind of an introvert. I would love to hear your thoughts on the post and if you have your own ways of navigating your life as introvert or extrovert, please comment them below.

Love, D